Crappy mom chronicle

So there I was at the school gate at 07h15 in the morning – same as it ever was. The daughter was dressed warmly – we were talking about spiders and how they weren’t around on account of the cold.. And then.. She arrived, the principal, Ms Super-dynamic multi-talented fabulousness, the principal. We greeted (as one does) and then she turned to me and asked: “Do you work?”

“Why no, of course I don’t work, I lounge around the house all day sipping lattes. The only reason I’m here at this ungodly hour of the morning is to drop kick the grommet here into your school so she’s out of my hair while I do my nails.”

Sadly, that is not what I said, I became, instantly, all stammery and defensive and in a pathetic apologetic style affirmed that I did indeed work, that I start at 07h30 and the school gate opens at 07h15 which gives me 15 minutes to fight my way through traffic to get to work on time.

“What is it you do”? Once again in the same stammering apologetic tone whilst dragging foot in concentric circles on the tarmac - “I’m in drafting”.

Oh god – then it came, “It’s a very long day for this child, you know, she’s very bright but she’s so tiny and by the end of the day she’s exhausted”

Yes, I collect the child at 16h35 – this is only because my day ends at 16h30 – not because I’m hell-bent on increasing her stamina to ensure she can put in extra hours at the coal-mine on the weekend.

“It would be nice if you could collect her earlier – maybe at 15h00”.

“It would be nice if you would not discuss this in front of all the other parents now bringing their kids in at 07h17 – they will think me a monster – oh wait, I am one.

At that point she went inside and I commenced the self-flagellation.

Many beatings later, I phoned the school secretary with plan in hand. The husband will drop off the daughter at 08h00 in the morning. “oh yes, let’s try that” says she “a little girl like that should be getting 11 hours of sleep a night, do you have to wake her up in the morning?”

SHIIITTTEEE!

Err.. Yes..

And so it was that we went shopping on Saturday and bought the daughter Ensure, to ensure (hardy har har) she gets all her nutrients and her lunch box today is a culinary masterpiece that should be the basis for every child’s lunch ever in the whole world. And I still feel like crap.

Oh yes...